I probably always overestimate my abilities, which probably then explains why I end up being really disappointed with myself when I don’t reach the targets I set. I overestimate my perseverance, my stamina to take on heavy workloads. I overestimate my brilliance and ideas, only to be crushed when they don’t seem to prove themselves in solid evidence. I overestimate my optimism, my ability to recover from a setback. I always try so hard to do well but I never seem to reach my targets. It’s so frustrating, and silly as it sounds, I have always feared my intelligence declining with age. I feel stupider than I did 5 years ago. Perhaps a flame has dimmed in me? Then on whom will I depend on to light the path I will walk on for the rest of my life?
I feel lost. I feel stupid. I feel insecure. I feel ugly. I feel lonely. I feel useless. I feel exhausted. I feel unreal.
What SM does it that it buys the rights of less popular songs or demos and then rearranges them in their own studio as a ‘new’ track for their artistes. SHINee’s Juliette, f(x)’s Danger and Girls’ Generation’s Genie were all bought from American artistes. I never knew this! I thought all the wildly popular, chart-topping songs were original creations from SM!! I thought SM was genius to create such awesome songs!!!
The magic of SHINee and SNSD is lost for me :’( Now I pray YG and Cube Ent are not going to do the same…